Monday, 11 January 2016

Americanah: Five things I wish I could say to the characters

Have you ever, half way through a book, found your self wishing you could actually meet and talk to the characters? You know scold someone who's seriously misbehaving, or even bang their head against a wall if that would bring them back to their senses or hug someone who's desperately in need of one?  I know Americanah is a fictional story and 'a figment of the writer's imagination and and any-resemblance with a person, living or dead is purely coincidental' and blah blah blah but if Adichie would give me a chance to meet some of them,  here's what I would say:
1. Oh please Blaine, tell  me you did not really eat a semen sandwich. What do you mean you were young and at Uni? Disgusting!
2. Ifemelu, tell Obinze about the tennis coach and save you both a decade of heartache.
3. Aunty Uju, first the General and now this annoying Bartholomew? Wait, what? 'You're now with Kweku and you're done dating total douchebags?' Good girl.
4. Yes Morgan, dear. Some oranges do have seeds and they are quite good. You should eat one.
5. Doris and all you Nigerpolitan club members who are craving paninis and chicken satays, do me a favour. Walk into the Murtala Muhammad International airport (you know where that is) buy, a ticketand go  back to wherever you came from. Good riddance!
 So what guys, Do you think I've totally lost my mind?